My first Lost

Word Count: 647
January of my freshman year, my mother was in consistent pain. One day I had an early dismissal because of a storm coming in. That was the day where she could not take it anymore, I forced her to go to the Emergency Room at Chilton Memorial Hospital. That day concluded with a mass being found in her intestines. A week later she had surgery and the mass they found lead her to be diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma ovarian cancer. Her journey of fighting cancer began with her first chemo treatment in April of 2012. The next year was a rocky journey filled with chemo treatments, radiation treatments, and thousands of dollars worth of pain medications. She spent more time over night in the hospital than she did at home. I would spend countless nights laying on the couch next to her hospital bed. Together we would watch Modern Family, order pizza (because she hated the hospital food), or shop online. She missed out on so much by being in the hospital She missed Thanksgiving and we shopped online for Black Friday, she missed my first prom, and she missed my 16th birthday so we brought a cake to the hospital and sang there. A month after my birthday her health completely deteriorated, she was at her lowest point. I remember her coming home on a Wednesday in May telling me she was going to finally get better and she was going into the hospital to get put on the proper pain medication. Unfortunately the original intent was not followed through and she was placed into Hospice Care. Hospice is where individuals with a life expectancy 6 months or less go in order to pass away as comfortable as possible. I was unaware of this until she was in for over a week when my father told me she only had a few more days to live. Those last few days consisted of me missing school for over a week. I was by her side every second of the day and was afraid to go and even eat in case I missed something. I will never forget her screaming from the amount of pain she was in, I will never forget the smell, and I will never forget holding her at 5:00 AM on Friday May 9, 2013 until her last few breaths. That following Monday, May 12, 2013, was the last time I ever saw her. She was laying in a casket holding a letter I wrote her in between her hands. The funeral home put make up on her in order to brighten up her skin tone. They put neon pink lipstick on her and all I could think was "she would be so mad at me for allowing this" because I knew she would have killed me for it, she was not a hot pink lipstick kind of lady. The wake went on and I got multiple compliments on being so strong and was told I held myself together very well. I gave a speech. I of course cried during the speech but weirdly throughout the wake I rarely cried. I was constantly receiving attention so it was almost a period of happiness. I enjoyed having people tell me stories about her and how amazing of a person she was, which of course I knew, but it was nice to hear it from others. That was the last night I ever saw my mother, she was gone mentally before that day, but that was the last day I experienced her physical presence. I missed her then, especially her not being healthy, but I have missed her more every day since. I now have a tattoo for her. On my rib cage I have a purple iris because we would go to the iris gardens every year and purple was her favorite color.