Word Count: 466
Halloween is an exciting time of the year for children, but is also a lively time for college students. This is the best time of the year to go out to parties, but also be able to dress up and reminisce on the similar parts to Halloween that were celebrated as a child. The costumes may reveal less skin, but the intent is still the same, to pretend you are someone that you are not. Amelia, Jennifer, Mackenzie, and Elizabeth were roommates living in an apartment. They all were excited about Halloween, except for Elizabeth who would not be at school because of a family responsibility, she was jealous that the other three girls were able to celebrate without her. Days before the holiday, they planned all of their costumes. Together, they decided to go as three witches, each having something different about their outfit. Amelia decided to wear her favorite boots and her witch had a rebellious side to her so she also added a leather jacket to the costume. Jennifer's favorite color was green so her green skirt brought out the color of her eyes the entire night. Mackenzie had a beautiful long body, she decided to wear an off the shoulder top in order to expose her shoulders and neckline. Halloween was on a Sunday this year, being on a school night however did not stop the girls from wanting to party .They all got dressed and left their room at around 10:30 PM. Quickly they jumped on the first bus to College Avenue they saw and once it was there stop they hopped off and proceeded toward the party. They walked for about 5 minutes until they located the frat house, they walked inside and their night of joy began. They drank together, took pictures, and danced the night away. At around 12:00 AM Amelia realized that their excitement to party overtook their thought process and realized they had a group assignment due at 10:20 AM the following morning. Amelia announced this to Mackenzie and Jennifer and encouraged them to leave. All three of the girls ran out of the frat house basement, charged towards a bus, and made their way back towards their apartment. Once they got back to their apartment they made coffee and began cramming for the next morning. They stayed up all night in order to get their project done. They were so angry with themselves for missing Halloween, but were thankful to Amelia for reminding them. They remained awake all night, using caffeine and Halloween candy as their source of energy, and finished the project with enough time to shower and head to class. "There is always next year" they told themselves as they exhaustively headed back towards College Avenue on a morning bus.
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ReplyDeleteI completely relate to using Halloween candy as a source of energy. I loved your attention to detail - it made me feel as if I were part of the story. Loved it!
ReplyDeleteI like that you choose a painting that speaks to you. You've created a very specific focus, and allowed us to follow these three girls as they go on about their evening. Good job using the picture to allow you to explore more about their lives. You also do a good job of naming them and of locating us in a specific location.
ReplyDeleteFor future writing, consider starting more immediately in scene and crisis. The conflict of this story doesn't arise until late in the telling. We will keep reading if we are immediately hooked.
The other suggestion is to allow yourself to focus on the conflict of just one character--that will give you the ability to hone in on the details and specifics of the situation, rather than having to make generalizations about how they all behaved.
Lastly, what does this story reveal about human nature and behavior? That is the tallest order of fiction--for the reader to sense that there is something lurking beneath the surface that illuminates the human experience. Here, is it that it's human nature to repeat our mistakes (your sentence at the end that "there is always next year" makes me think that they won't change their behavior)? Is it that the college experience sometimes ends up being more about how to balance the fun stuff with the demands of education? You would not necessarily set out to make this point, but you may have to figure out what it is you're trying to illustrate here beyond the basics of the story about three girls almost missing class.
Nice work overall, as usual!
Halloween is right around the corner and so I really liked how used this panting ! At Rutgers people take Halloween really serious and it has become apart of the school's culture with Halloweekend. I think we've all been at a party having fun until we suddenly remember the assignment that we had due at 11:59pm. Great story!
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